Dating: 101- Waiting to Kiss until your Wedding Day?
Sounds crazy right? I did this for 1 year and 8 months. My husband and I kissed for the first time on our wedding day—August 14th 2010. Before I get into it.. let’s talk about dating.
You think dating is all about you. It’s a chance for you to get all your needs met, have some sex every now and then and repent afterwards, always have a date, someone to call, someone to snuggle up with and listen to all of life’s worries. It’s not. Not at all. You may be surprised but if you’re a Christian and you really love God like you say you do—everything you do will glorify Him. Dating shouldn’t be “easy”—YOU should suffer. You probably think that I sound crazy, but don’t stop reading. Hear me out.
When you date God’s way—you most likely have some wrong thinking from dating your own way or the world’s way which includes selfish ways of thinking. Which means you still think it’s okay to stay the night together, pet heavily, maybe or maybe not go all the way and repent afterwards, to snuggle, to deep throat kiss for 20 minutes, to dry hump but not quite go all the way. Yes—we have to talk about these things because it’s going on after church service. We’re going to church and hearing the word but we leave confused on how to operate in a godly relationship. SEX won’t make you one with a person. Sex destroys relationships and it’s a horrible void filler. You’ll continue to have sex and then you won’t find the breaks you can’t quit figure out how to stop. Sex releases a hormone called oxytocin, or the bonding hormone. That hormone is also released during foreplay, breastfeeding and stimulation of certain body parts. SO you wonder why you cannot get over that person after he cheats.. or she leaves? That’s why. You have bonded yourself to yet another person. Then you run and try to get into another relationship to continue to fill all of these voids. A person will NEVER ever, fill those voids in your heart!! You will continue to spray perfume on your body while refusing to take a shower! Get in the shower and scrub yourself! Let GOD make you whole! Let Him complete you! Sex was designed for marriage alone! When you have sex outside of marriage it “clouds” your view of the person you’re dating. Then, when the smoke clears.. you break up, divorce because you say you “grew apart”—well, that person fit your dysfunction and nobody told you to marry them anyway! Matter of fact, God was pulling on your heart as you were walking down the aisle and you had this gut feeling.. or a red flat that said NO! This isn’t right! But I’ve invited all these people, my parents love him—I cannot leave him. He loves me. And I love him too.. I think? I mean, he has a great job and he treats me right. ALL of those things are irrelevant to God’s leading and guiding. Obey Him quickly. If you’re already married and now you see WHY God told you to not do it.. the bible is clear. It says to remain as you are. Figure it out.
You may think that your standard is quite high. Your friends tell you that you’re crazy that nobody is going to live up to your standards. But what’s deceiving YOU is that you lower your standards because you think that nobody can live up to them so fear creeps into your heart and says “just lower it, everybody else is doing it and they seem pretty happy.” So you lower your standard and date randoms. (ranndoms defined: A man or woman you will never marry, but you date them because you’re lonely and bored). So then you end up in another relationship.. with a guy or girl that you sorta like. Do you think God can bring your mate into your life if your relationship seat is taken?! Your motive for being single just cannot be so God can “bless” you with a mate but to serve GOD with all of your being—having ONE heart and one mind to worship HIM with your entire being! That should be your purpose for being single!
And There’s NOTHING wrong with your 50 "standards"--but you better make sure that you're all those things on your little list. Don’t put a ton of pressure on a guy to be something that you aren’t . Granted, the man is supposed to be a leader, and that’s a given but my husband wasn’t EVERYTHING on my list. He grew and developed into an amazing man and now.. my dream guy. He’s still working on some stuff and I’m thankful for grace. The same grace he gives me as I need to work on things as well! So if your guy or girl has the basics—stop being them down every two minutes because they haven’t changed 100%. You aren’t perfect either—as much as we’d like to think we were.
A Few Tips Courting God’s Way
- Set boundaries. No seriously. You cannot expect to do things God’s way if you keep rubbing, licking, laying, cuddling, watching late night movies with one foot in the world and one foot in the kingdom. When my husband and I dated, we never cuddled, stayed the night together, saw each other naked, kissed.. nothing! He hadn’t paid the price for me so he didn’t deserve me until our wedding day.
- .Pray together and have bible study. Whatever you fill your mind up with—you’ll desire. So if you’re pumping sex-like movies and concerts with disgusting language—what else do you think you’ll go home and want to do?
- You’re going toYes. You’ll suffer dating. As I noted above, it shouldn’t feel good to develop emotionally & see a “mirror” of yourself. This takes work but you’ll see yourself grow and get better. It’s really worth it.
- Men—you’re not supposed to be a “stumbling” block (1 Corinthians 8:9) for your one day wife. How can you be a stumbling block? STOP putting pressure on her to have sex outside of marriage! Stop touching and rubbing on her while watching a movie late at night. BE a leader! It’s time for our men to step up and do what God called them to do! If you really want your girl to respect you—respect her body.
- Watch your words. Words are powerful and you cannot build up while tearing down! Stop thinking that you’re so perfect! Don’t be hard on the person you’re courting if they aren’t “everything” on your list! People need time to grow and develop into “all of your things.” And when you pressure them right away to be perfect, it discourages them.
- Ask yourself what is your motive for wanting to be in a relationship. Is it to fill a void? Is it because you’re getting older and your “clock” is ticking? Marriage is supposed to be a very serious, lifetime commitment and it’s not to be taken lightly.
- Listen to your guy or girl. If they bring up things—listen to them. They are bringing them up for a reason and if they’re closest to you—they should be able to speak into your life without you getting mad.
- Submit your relationship to a godly couple. Don’t tell everyone your business. Be very selective as your heart is a garden and it will grow negative things. So find a great relationship and watch them—see how they treat with each other and see if they have the right fruit. If so, ask if they can mentor you.
- Ladies—watch if you aren’t submitting to Christ—what makes you think you’ll submit to a one-day husband? Practice submitting to Christ as a single (both men and women)—so when you get married—you’ll all be on the same page.
- Keep Jesus first. Period. It may be nice to spend a ton of time together but make sure you aren’t distracting each other. Your focus must always be Christ at all costs. So don’t sit on the phone all night or hang out super late if it’s going to distract you from waking up and spending time with God! If God isn’t first—your relationship won’t be successful. Period.
About Heather Lindsey
The Author, Heather Lindsey is the Co-Founder of The Gathering Oasis and is a minister and teacher of God's word. She and her husband, Cornelius Lindsey travel internationally and domestically and share Christ. For more information you can find Heather's Blog: http://heatherllindsey.blogspot.com/ or their ministry website: www.thegonow.com.
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